Ask them, about everything, and to everyone. Then listen.
How they respond… that in itself may be your answer. It may be that they have something to hide, it may be that they are defensive because they have been raised to not question anything… how you respond to them is your business.
Topic focused… this helps us listen to another without needing them to be a certain way, use certain words, express themselves to our liking all so we can listen to them. It keeps us from rising to another’s drama, or in the rising to another’s drama we are then able to question ourselves… where in me is this energy, where in me am I ignoring this tension.
Allow your teachers to be
I have made it through my life, up until March 2020 (birth year 1979) under the belief that how I spoke was wrong. How I formed my questions, wrong. The tone I used, wrong. The words I chose, wrong. And as human nature would have it (or are we taught?), I was one who used to believe these people. I sought them as teachers.
So I shut down. I would not ask, and I would not respond. Or, I was defensive, subconsciously – or, I was aggressive, consciously, as this got a response. Actually, they both got a response… I became unable to speak without these energies, and this energy attracted familiarity into my life.
If you want something different
Looking back, I was lucky, I knew I didn’t enjoy this way of communicating. So I decided to do the opposite of what I was familiar with. As I wanted the opposite of what I had.
I wanted discussion, involvement, growth… to experience life, the rhythm of nature, the birth, living, death cycle, and all the mini cycles of nature that flow through each of us, all of us, each moment.
So I began to listen, to the topic, not the tone, nor the expression used to impact emotionally or psychologically. I was involved, I responded. I was not going to walk away, these words designed to hurt me, only hurt if I take them on. So I stayed, with self-compassion that allowed me to try something new, with the belief that I could create a better life for us all. Knowing I was OK.
Innocent arrogance… I believed everyone wanted a better life, a life without fighting, without the pendulum swing of dramatic blame… I had forgotten from where I had come, the subconscious seeking the familiar energies, that which communicated in the same ‘love language’.
Making changes, makes changes
I hurt them. I scared them… I pulled the rug out from under them, and I didn’t know how to soften their fall. I had no experience with this. I truly expected them to be pleased there was no more fighting… Alas, they hit the ground running, spitting cruelly as I responded to their topic, they jumped about, limping, scratching, hopping around trying to find the me they knew so well.
It was cold turkey. I was cruel in my attempt at kindness, so was it kindness? Not to them, not to those who blamed me for ruining their entire lives. But I was doing my best with a very new skill… I was being.
No, it was arrogance that made me think others wanted less drama, less fighting, and less control over people whom they can blame. And it was subconscious, habitual tensions that held me oblivious to anyone in my past who had treated me kindly. But we are all teacher & student combined, be honest and gentle with yourself.
Who am I to think I know what is best for another?
I am one who has been on a path to taking responsibility for myself, teachers telling me that it all comes back to me, that it is all my fault, that I am wrong.
I am responsible for what I feel
What you can feel impacting you, is an energy active within you, a part of you that needs your attention. There is no one to blame, no one can impact your energy unless you choose it (I know this is a very broad statement, and if you are physically unsafe, you need to do what you can to get to safety…). If you feel your energy rise, and you attribute that to an external situation, you are draining that flow away from you.
If you are worn down by others energy, these energies are active in you, in how you treat yourself. They may not mimic the situation, but by principle. Empathy is being able to understand what another is going through, feeling it is a message of what you can release in yourself. For, if those energies are not active in you, they would not drain you, when you are grounded, present and stable in knowing yourself, you can engage with another without them taking the energy away with you.
What you feel is yours, if it is something that you have been ignoring, well, you have been ignoring it because you do not want to deal with it. It is part of you, and looking in you will be seeking by principle, you may not match the external irritant in situation or experience, but somewhere in you this situation is held active.
I was shown by a friend, that I did not need to be defensive, that if someone asks a question, they are interested in the answer, I do not need to defend my answer, especially to someone who asks.
A friend stopped me early in my defensive/aggressive answering of a question she had asked me about my business… and said very nicely, “wait, before you answer, I asked, so you don’t need to defend yourself, or attack me, use a different tone”. It was like a slap in the face.
Confusion is good!
Then I started hearing it, I had to allow my expression regardless of how I sounded, so I could feel what was happening, then I was able to observe the rise of my defensive. And by observing it, the sympathetic nervous system activation could soften, which meant I could honestly express myself with a tone not backed by fight.
This took practice, from hearing myself, I refined this observation to feeling my survival response activate. And as I continued to observe this feeling, I was telling myself that I was OK.
As I observed me being OK, my nervous system recognised safety, and I was able to observe the habitual muscle tension from repetitive survival response activation… I was able to remember the little girl who got in trouble for touching a tree as she raised her hand to answer a question the teacher had asked, after standing us all under the tree we were not to touch.
I felt love for myself, and for the teacher who had been taught to be so mean to 6 year old children, what had she gone through?
This is what it means to believe that we are all “doing the best we can”. Each of us sent to offer another a chance to release energies that are holding us in the past.
To give ourselves freely, we are the butterfly effect.
To give another freedom. Without the oblivion of flippancy, or the control of intention.
Maia Movement is how I found my safety human being is, how to observe myself without interrupting my rhythm, how to express myself honestly. How to embody self-respect and give the same respect to another.
I have let go of limiting control over myself.
The physicality of being human is what we have, there is no separation between mind, body, emotions, consciousness… all of these are expressed by our body, how we move, the control we place on ourselves, by choice and from past experiences we have the subconscious. Subconscious is our habitual muscle tension. We don’t know it is happening, but for symptoms of discomfort, weakness, pain or disease… so we do know it is happening.